


Team Bonding

by guineamania



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Bonding, F/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 14:50:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4791368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineamania/pseuds/guineamania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Napoleon and Illya have a reluctant heart to heart, accidentally revealing a secret to Gabi</p>
            </blockquote>





	Team Bonding

“Illya, Illya, Illya!” Illya sat in his hotel room trying desperately to ignore the banging and shouting from his door. After the three of them were told they would be forming a new team, the CIA had paid for them to fly to Washington and have a week in a fancy hotel. It was supposedly bonding time but they had been here for two days and had yet to speak a word to each other. Illya was used to working alone; he enjoyed working alone and now they were telling him to team up. And team up with Napoleon Solo, the most self-centred and smug American spy he could think off. But yet they had developed a sense of comradery throughout the whole nuclear incident. It was just going to take a little getting used to; and that wasn’t even taking into account how he felt about Gaby. “Illya, Illya, Illya!” Napoleon continued from the other side of his door with an irritating persistence. With a disgruntled sigh, Illya placed down the book he was reading and opened the door to stop the annoying tirade.

“Why do we try in love Illya?” Napoleon sighed, slumping against the doorframe.

“You are drunk cowboy,” Illya commented but still let his friend in. Illya had never really had friends before, what with his less than cheery disposition and his shamed father. It was strange that his first true friend was an American spy who is an ex con man.

“Yes I am but the liquor has helped focus my thoughts,” Napoleon commented, settling down in the armchair, leaving Illya to sit on the bed. “I am hopeless with love,” he stated, laughing at Illya’s raised eyebrow and bemused expression.

“Care to explain your comment Napoleon?” Illya questioned but only received another laugh in response.

“No one except my mother calls me Napoleon,” Napoleon explained quietly, the smile fading from his face.

“Then what do they call you,” Illya sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Solo, the CIA lapdog, that thieving bastard,” Napoleon chuckled, the smile returning as he joked.

“Back to the point Solo,” Illya emphasized, if he was going to have to sit through this then he wanted to at least know what his new team mate was talking about.

“I could have any woman I wanted. I can charm any woman I wanted, but the one I did want had to be the exception. She had to be an insane villain with a nuclear obsession that I had to blow up with a nuke,” Napoleon huffed, Illya was not paid to be his colleague’s psychiatrist. 

 

“I just wish I could stop thinking about her. She was supposed to just be another mark,” he continued, muttering mostly to himself.

“I do not know about love Solo, why do you come to me?” Illya questioned with a shrug.

“The main reason being, who else would I talk to? I am a lone wolf Kuryakin,” Napoleon sighed, rubbing a hand over his tired face. “But you do know love, what about Gaby?” Illya scoffed at the suggestion.

“Gaby is not in love with me,” Illya replied tensely but he did have to agree that talking to the American was quite nice. He had been on his own for so long and now he had a team; it was a culture shock but not necessarily a bad thing.

“Ah but you did not protest the fact you were in love with her,” Napoleon laughed, receiving a glare in return but that was nothing new.

“She could never love me, especially after what we did to her uncle,” Illya hissed, standing up from his spot on the bed and prowling the room.

“You haven’t told her yet?” Napoleon frowned. He thought that the giant would have told his soon to be lover about her uncle’s horrid fate. In their defence it was an accident.

“How am I supposed to tell her that?” Illya exclaimed throwing his arms in the air in exasperation.

“I guess it probably isn’t a good idea to just go, hey Gaby we lied when we said your uncle had been arrested. In fact he was a mafia torturer that delighted in nearly killing dear old Napoleon and when trying to get your location out of him we accidentally set him on fire and didn’t even bother putting him out. But she will find out some day peril,” Napoleon shrugged with a small chuckle; it sounded insane.

“Of course I cannot say that!” Illya exclaimed but he was silenced by Napoleon’s eyes widening. That was the face of a man that had just made a revelation.

 

“Are British spies as suspicious as Russian and American spies?” Napoleon questioned, Illya had no idea what relevance this had to their previous conversation. “Because every time we move hotels we bug each other’s rooms,” Napoleon continued and Illya finally caught on to what he was getting at.

“Oh no,” Illya murmured. Napoleon was already on his feet and sprinting towards the door as it clicked in Illya’s mind. Gaby or Waverly would have bugged his room; meaning that Gaby would probably have heard all that they just said. The secret was out. Before Napoleon could reach for the door handle, Illya had reached out and grabbed the back of the smaller man’s shirt and pulled him away from freedom. “If I have to face her wrath then so do you cowboy,” Illya stated as Napoleon tried to wriggle out of the giant’s grip.

“She’s your future wife, peril. Man up and face her,” Napoleon argued, huffing like a petulant teenager but before Illya could reply the door flew open.

“You two idiots did what?” Gaby screamed as she prowled inside.

“We didn’t do anything. That is the problem here, we didn’t do anything,” Napoleon argued once Illya had let go of his collar.

“You really thought I would not find out that you two fools were considering torturing my uncle and then set him on fire?” Gaby continued to shout, silencing Napoleon with a glare before he could respond. “And then you just left him there. You left him there, on fire, and just wandered off!”

“I wanted to tell you,” Illya replied, he didn’t know how to respond to Gaby’s anger. Once they had noticed her uncle was on fire there was nothing they could do. The slap echoed around their hotel room but Illya didn’t move an inch. His fist clenched and the automatic defence mechanism in his body was itching to be released; however Gaby had every right to hit him.

“I thought you both were better than this. Spies are supposed to have a code of honour!” Gaby resumed with her tirade, noticing Napoleon trying to sneak past her and pushing him down onto the bed.

“We do,” Napoleon sulked as Gaby backed to the door.

 

“You two are staying in here until you realise what you have done wrong. If you are going to act like irresponsible children then you will be treated like children,” Gaby smirked, slamming the door and they heard something blocking their escape. Illya knew that if nessecary he could get out but this seemed to be making Gaby feel better about the whole situation.

“You can’t lock me in here with him!” Napoleon exclaimed, pounding on the door.

“Deal with it cowboy,” Illya smirked as Napoleon pulled open the balcony doors.

“Ten floors, I can survive that. Anything is better than this!”


End file.
